Don't tell me to *weight*

I'm Isabelle. I'm full of energy and optimism and really can't shut up sometimes. I grew up in a big, loving, Italian family and adore sport. And I am only just relearning how to eat and exercise without hurting myself.

The first time I remember disliking my body was in Year 6. I actively avoided mirrors as I left the house and slowly developed a habit of eating as little as I could whilst exercising as much as I could. Diet culture had convinced me that I was just trying to be healthy.

What I didn't know is that I was just scared. My brilliant, wonderful, perfectionist brain had absorbed toxic messages about food and health which was manifesting in disordered eating and obsessive exercise.

Seeking help wasn't easy. It was only when someone else I cared deeply about ended up seeing a dietician that I decided I needed to be better to support them.

Seeing a dietician was the best thing I could have done. There was a lot of crying and denial as I started to unpack the problematic ways I was viewing food. But there was, finally, healing.

The obsessive exercise took a lot longer for me to recognise as a problem as I still thought I was being healthy. It wasn't until I ended up in the hospital in 2023 that I genuinely started re-evaluating my relationship with exercise and the way it was controlling me, not the other way around.

I don’t know what’s next. Just like I had to relearn how to eat intuitively, I now see myself at the start of a journey to exercising intuitively. I won’t lie to you, I’m a little scared. But I also suspect that there might just be a very liberating light at the end of the tunnel.