Pendulum

It hangs dormant,
My idle Pendulum.
Balanced between twin selves,
Each opposed in their nature.
Sided on one end,
By the kindly and golden.
And on the other,
By the degenerate and shaded.
And when my eyes set on you,
Towards that golden light,
Rises my willful, heavy Pendulum.

You can see it on my face,
There is a clueless sweetness to me.
I try to talk to you, but in shy effort.
Void of confidence, my speech stutters.
Though my nervousness, you find amusing.
I’m too scared to upset or offend you, and you know it.
I don’t take you like others take you,
I don’t move closer and you know I want to.
So with your eyes upon on my gold soul,
You move closer for me.
It is this tender lure that first draws you.
My innocent unknowings and bashful rosyness.

You,
One so used to being pursued,
Pursue me.
You take me in and see beneath what reticence hid.
You see the workings of my strange mind,
And you so endlessly adore it.
I fascinate you, in thought and in body.
You smile more around me than you do most others.
There is no safer place,
Than my company.

I learn you deeper than your own mother.
I surprise you with gifts,
Only you knew you wanted.
I can see through your skin,
And read your thoughts right off of your soul.
You only share your pain with me,
Because only I know how you feel,
And only I know the perfect words to say.
I know you,
And you think you know me.
You love me,
And I think I love you.

Then down swings my Pendulum.
Cutting divine blade,
Severance upon our vinculum.
In sleepless depravity,
I cast fire upon your queendom.
Make you bring out the dirt,
You keep buried within.
I resent you for an unknown sin.
Your pretty life sickens me,
It feels like bugs crawling under my skin.
No more sweet shyness,
Seamless confident beration.
I wipe the tears of your cheeks,
And make sure that you taste them.
Apologize to me,
For this behavior I sanction.
Then back to gold, swings my lordly Pendulum.

I am sorry,
And every morning I am there for you.
I tell you a sad secret and you melt for me.
With this new incite into my beautiful mind,
You aren’t scared, only further drawn.
You love me,
You forgive me,
You understand.
My imagination and strange fascination,
Quirks you love hearing me express.
You find me endlessly interesting,
My fictions and my creative depth.
Still so kind and attentive,
Despite horrors of the past.
I am a soldier to you,
Someone to be impressed by.
You start to see me in your future.

But now you have seen the things I’ve been hiding.
Your ceaseless confrontation infests me.
The guilt possesses me.
You make me hate myself.
I eat at myself,
I can’t manage myself.
I can’t be myself.

So I let the Pendulum swing,
So my demons can sing.
Say the right things,

Just to keep drawing this out.
I like to run you around,
Watch you run right into the ground.
You keep running your mouth,
But I have you all figured out.
There is not a fight between us,
That sex can’t surmount.
So would you be so kindly,
To get back on your knees,
I'll do what I want and you’ll keep begging for me.
But before you eat thy dark gospel,
Don’t forget to say please.
Make you depend on my pleasantries,
Until my heavy Pendulum’s swing.

I want to give,
Give you all of me.
Be your darkest impulse,
And the extent of your grace.
But the Pendulum sings.
Keep you happy with your,
Ropes and screams.
So that I can shatter your,
Hopes and dreams.
Then the Pendulum rings.
I hate the things,
I’ve said to you.
Allow me to find you heaven.
Show me your weakness.
See the pain that my Pendulum brings.
It was you who took me in,
A parasite bound by vore.
An angel of God,
Turned incessant whore.
Now see the span of my Pendulum’s wings.

Yet I manipulate,
I drown in my reservoir of lies.
These poor traits and foul behaviors.
You cannot see how they belong to me,
Each blood coated sin.
I am your world,
As you are mine.
But when my Pendulum swings,
The world burns at the touch of my baleful skin.
So don’t dare to come any closer,
For it hangs dormant,
My idle Pendulum.